Hello everyone, my name is Hazel. But perhaps it’s not even mine anymore. Anyway, does it make any difference what they call what is left of me. I lost my present, future and past- all at once in the wink of an eye. At least, that’s what I started believing a few months ago. From the day I was born, I lived a fairy tale and fascinating life. My mom tried to raise me to become a princess one day. I had everything - beauty, popularity, charm and a bad temper - a proven formula for success and people were always friends. Even though I was hard and tough, I was beautiful at the same time and it seemed to be quite certain that I had a successful career as a model ahead of me. But one bad day, everything changed. On the eve of my graduation, my boyfriend David picked me up from the house in his brand-new Car. David was driving us down a road that was as straight as an arrow. At the same time, a drunk engineer Adam was driving recklessly at 100 miles per hour with his head lights turned off. He was heading straight for us. His pickup literally smeared our Car. Suddenly, our car smashed and caught fire; David and the driver of the pickup truck both died immediately and for half a minute I laid face down in the melting wreckage of the car. I was taken to the hospital along with a part of the dashboard melted to my face. I had to undergo 5 surgeries in the next 72 hours — doctors separated the plastic from my muscles, in some places they even managed to preserve skin scraps, saved one eye, separated my lips which were melted closed. The bridge of my nose was shrunken and deformed. My broken arms and legs were packed tightly in a cast. My body was like a mass of bruises. In part, they were even able to save my hearing, but I permanently lost the ability to speak properly. When I finally woke up the fourth day after my accident, all I could feel was pain and discomfort everywhere. I was given so many anaesthetic drugs that I didn’t know who or where I was, what I was doing here and who all these people were weeping at my bed. I will never forget the moment when I looked into a mirror for the first time since the accident. It happened on the 3rd month of my stay at the hospital. When the doctor removed the bandages from my head, I swear I saw two extra wrinkles appear on my mother’s youthful face. The mirror was round and the reflection of my face looked like a burnt pancake with severe permanent scarring of the face and body. During my entire stay in the hospital, no one spoke a word about my injuries. Everyone comforted me saying: “Everything will be fine” or “You will get through this,” but I could not even imagine that my face had turned into a scary skinless skull. I could not believe this ugly, frightening creature in the reflection, in fact, was me. Yelling and waving my arms, I kicked everyone out of the ward. I needed to scream loudly, break something to take out my rage and suffering. Hitting a glass vase with the mirror, I imagined breaking the face of the person who stole my fancy life and shattered it to pieces. The fairy tale was over, the princess had become a creepy monster and this time, it was forever. Probably at that moment all that the world knew of the old Hazel had disappeared. When they released me from the hospital, I became a ghost of our country mansion. I was depressed, I did not want to accept any of the realities of my new awful life or to see anyone from the outside world. Neither did I want to be seen by anyone. All I could do was just wish to stay that same old Hazel, whose face I now had a hard time remembering sometimes. I continued to blog on Instagram, posting old photos on facebook and talking about my fascinating life along with them. One time, my parents made an appointment with a psychotherapist, a specialist just for mutilated people like me. Dr. Charlie was his name. “Yea, another narrow-minded old man”, I thought, hearing his name. Eventually, I agreed to meet him, but under one condition - our meeting must be held in the dark. He asked questions, and I answered them - “yes” silence, “no” - clap. The first 10 questions were typical life-affirming slogans, as if read from a piece of paper. After each of them I clapped and thought: “Uhh! Why did I agree to this?” However, the next question was straight to the point.
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